awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
