Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize