3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
