she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
