u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Terrible idea I love it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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