her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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