u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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