Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
