I'm sorry my penis didn't work
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
