So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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