Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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