if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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