The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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