If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize