I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
