walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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