Too much gin, very little bucket
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
