his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
