Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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