My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
