Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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