Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
