dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
