there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
