Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
