pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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