just tell him i said nine months
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
