Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
