I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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