someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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