You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
