So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
