It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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