i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize