The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
