The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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