I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
