You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize