I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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