Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
