I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
