he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
