My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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