She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
