She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
