THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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