Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
