You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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