he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
