I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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