Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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