What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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