sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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