I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
