Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
