this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
