I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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