Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
