I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let's paint friendship bongs
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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