I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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