My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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