Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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