The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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