my mouth tastes like poor choices
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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