I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
