found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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