i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
