i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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