Ambien. No doubt about it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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