I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
