Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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