...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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