the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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