I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
