He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
