it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
