Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize