Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
