ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
