I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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