Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
