Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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