i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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