Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
