i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize