i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
