ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
