So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
