i would punch a child for taco bell
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
