i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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