Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
