I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize