why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
