he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
