he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
