she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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