She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
