K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
