This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want to fling myself into the sun
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
