Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
