Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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