Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
